It's been years since I've talked to you, I don't even remember how many anymore, and I've been okay with that for just as long. I don't know if I ever told you this or not, but I literally had nightmares about the way I meddled and insinuated myself into your life. In the one I've always remembered, I was standing next to you and your boyfriend when I got shot at. You guys weren't that concerned about it, as I lifted my palms off the wounds and implored you, "But look how clean my hands are!" Isn't that gloriously Shakespearean? I was actually really proud of my subconscious for that one, but yeah, it hit home; it was time for my involvement to end. Luckily for both of us, you called it.
Over the years I thought of you a lot of times, but I never really wished we were in contact; I knew how fucked up everything was already (although it wasn't until two weeks ago, combing through one of our conversations trying to find the date of the car accident I was in back in 2005, that I realized how psychotic and cruel the way we talked to each other sometimes was. I don't think I even realized I could -be- that mean). Then, this past October, I had a layover in Miami. I was really shocked at how much I wanted to talk to you. When I was eighteen, Florida was such a vivid pipedream, something I wanted terribly but knew I couldn't have. Now eight years had gone by and the unattainable was achieved, minus the big reason I wanted to be there. It felt shitty and I was sad, and while I was flying away the next morning I thought about writing you an email, but apparently I'm less of a selfish asshole than I used to be and I couldn't bring myself to force my unwanted way into your life again, lol.
Since October I've thought of you several times, and I realized today it's been almost ten years since the height of my involvement with you, yikes. (In some twist of cosmic humor, FFX and FFX-2 got a rerelease on the 18th this month.) I hope you are still doing well. I hope you can guess how much I'll always miss some unnameable aspect of you, all dandelions and KYAS and the letters you wrote me, the high school comics I saved and the earrings you sent me. And Princess Jewelz and kitty!Sunny, which I had forgotten about until this moment. God! I really adore this ~aspect,~ so please be aware that on every future trip I take to Florida, I'll think of you like a creep, and if you're ever in Canada and the mood strikes you, you should always find me. :)
the artist mostly formerly known as Jewelz
- Current Mood:nostalgic
- Current Music:third eye blind - semi-charmed life